Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

It appears to me that there just aren't enough movie critics online.  I did a quick search on Bing and couldn't find anything (though I believe this may have something to do with the fact that Bing sucks ass).

So I've decided to throw my hat into the ring for the title of "another annoying fucking critic."  I hope someday people will refer to me that way.

Here's the thing about critics.  I've never found a critic that I can agree with 100 percent.  I really like Roger Ebert, for example, but that doesn't mean that I agree with every one of his reviews.  His personal bias may impact how he feels about a movie, or vice versa.  But that's not necessarily a bad thing if you're the type of person who knows a bit about a critic before basing all buying decisions on their opinion.  Ebert doesn't have a lot of love for the horror genre, for example, so it stands to reason that I shouldn't look to Ebert for someone whose opinions are going to match my own (I like horror just fine). That doesn't invalidate his review, of course.  It just means that I need to understand the basic mindset of his review.

It's all about pattern recognition.  We don't have a local film reviewer where I live, but we used to.  After a few months of reading her stuff, I came to recognize that any film she gave a four star review to would certainly be worth my time.  A three star review usually also warranted viewing.  Like Ebert, however, this critic had a very difficult time finding positive things to say about the horror genre.  So I configured my response to her reviews accordingly.

The point of all this is that we have to set up a bit of a primer.  I'm going to give you ten films that I consider to be great.  This is NOT a list of the ten best films ever made.   What this list should do is provide you with a reference point of movies that I love.  These are the movies that are considered "remote killers" in my house - if you flip to a channel showing it, you're going to be stuck here for a while.  It doesn't matter that we own the movie on DVD - instant gratification trumps everything.  I provide this list with the full understanding that I'm a bit of a geek.  I don't want to make incorrect assumptions, but if you somehow managed to find this stupid blog, I'm thinking you might be a geek as well.

CRITICAL STEVE'S PRIMER 
(not in any particular order)

1. Jaws - Spielberg's masterpiece.  There's simply not a frame of this film that fails me.
2. Raiders of the Lost Ark - Unquestionably one of the funnest films ever made.
3. Ratatouille - My favorite Pixar film.
4. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World/Hot Fuzz/Shaun of the Dead - Edgar Wright can do no wrong.
5. The Hunt for Red October - The only Jack Ryan movie worth a shit.
6. How to Train Your Dragon - Best non-Pixar animated film in ages.
7. The Shawshank Redemption - Yeah, big obvious one here.
8. Goodfellas - We can give Marty an Oscar every year and it won't make up for "Dances with Wolves" beating "Goodfellas" back in 1990.
9. Big Trouble in Little China - If you have to ask, we're probably not going to get along.
10. Aliens - Simply one of the best action movies ever made.  Game over, man.

So there's your primer.  Those are ten films that I think are all just really fucking great.  No, I didn't list Casablanca or Citizen Kane or The Godfather.  They're all superb films (and I readily admit that they're all better than half the movies I listed), but they aren't movies that I think are inherently rewatchable.  Or maybe it's just that they aren't nearly as fun to rewatch, and maybe that's my Achilles heel: I want my movies to be fun!  I would never begrudge a film for being somber or sad, but the simple fact of the matter is "Requiem for a Dream" would be a really shitty desert island movie. 

Hopefully you'll read a few actual reviews and get an idea for whether or not you like what I think.  It's totally cool if you don't, and I encourage you to let me know either way.  Critics who don't allow criticism are fickle fools best ignored.

So yeah.  It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  For the first month or so, we're going to be trudging through the films of 2011.  There's not going to be any rhyme or reason in the order, though I'll try to at least hit some of the December releases as soon as I can.